Below are some of the outfits I have donned in the many cold treks. They are shown here in chronological order and in order of increasing cold. I present them again for your amusement and comments concerning alien arrivals, fierce and frightening costumes for scaring away bears and wooly mammoths. But my padding is not exactly appropriate in the company of nice people. For example, when I walk to the dignified services of Zion Lutheran Church, a transformation is needed before I accept the nicely printed program and take a place in one of the pews. The other parishioners drive to the door, unload their women and then park the car nearby. One woman who does not have a man to deposit her within twenty feet of the door said, "I come early so I can park close." The women remove their coats, hang them on the rack just inside and they are ready. But my walk of just fifteen minutes, does not allow for high heels with open toes, or for a skirt not underlain with substantial leggings. I don’t want to leave Frostbite Falls with its two words meaning any more than the name of place. So how did I perform the miraculous transformation from the way I look below to the picture at the left, taken this morning at church? A magician never divulges her secrets and neither will I, except to say that the thermometer on my deck read minus eighteen when I started for church, the coldest so far. Go figure.
Below are some of the outfits I have donned in the many cold treks. They are shown here in chronological order and in order of increasing cold. I present them again for your amusement and comments concerning alien arrivals, fierce and frightening costumes for scaring away bears and wooly mammoths. But my padding is not exactly appropriate in the company of nice people. For example, when I walk to the dignified services of Zion Lutheran Church, a transformation is needed before I accept the nicely printed program and take a place in one of the pews. The other parishioners drive to the door, unload their women and then park the car nearby. One woman who does not have a man to deposit her within twenty feet of the door said, "I come early so I can park close." The women remove their coats, hang them on the rack just inside and they are ready. But my walk of just fifteen minutes, does not allow for high heels with open toes, or for a skirt not underlain with substantial leggings. I don’t want to leave Frostbite Falls with its two words meaning any more than the name of place. So how did I perform the miraculous transformation from the way I look below to the picture at the left, taken this morning at church? A magician never divulges her secrets and neither will I, except to say that the thermometer on my deck read minus eighteen when I started for church, the coldest so far. Go figure.
Stunning... looks like
ReplyDelete1. a magic trick
2. photo shop trick
3. someone gave you a ride
4. a really long time in the rest room
5. ?
6. You grinned and bore it (I mean bared it) and walked only on paved sidewalks
ReplyDelete7. You rented a car and drove yourself
8. you rented a snow plow
ReplyDelete9. you got a battery powered heater and hair dryer and used them on yourself while you walked
10. bought 2 gigantic coats and wore them at the same time with nifty boots that fit over your shoes, ripped them off innocently and hid them behind a bush
ReplyDelete11. got a ride on the back of the snowmobile and got there in 2 minutes, he's waiting for you to jump back on and take off over the parked cars
ReplyDelete12. totally drunk, you didn't know what you were doing but survived
ReplyDelete13. you are just outside your door, just pretending to be at church
14. You walked down the block like that to pose and rushed back in soon after
ReplyDelete15. The first picture was taken when it was not that cold, though there had been snow, it was melting and you could dress like that... but you didn't show us the picture until now? You said they were in chronological order, and that is the first picture.
ReplyDeleteEvil impostor! Where is the real, Shivering Sharon?!?
ReplyDelete16. You stayed home like I would have, and used a picture from a different trip.
ReplyDeleteAll right you two. This is serious business trying to look pretty and avoid frostbite at the same time. Do either of you, and does anybody else out there who reads and does not comment, know how long exposed flesh can live when the temperature is minus eighteen with a slight breeze? Well if the flesh is facing the wind it can be as little as fifteen minutes. And have you felt the pinpricks such exposed flesh feels as cold tries to inject itself, or the numbness that follows as it begins to succeed? And has anyone known the agony and disfigurement of thawing flesh that bitter cold has claimed? I haven’t, but I saw it once on a frostbit foot. It was not pretty. And when you’ve been bundled for weeks against this threat, looking quite ugly and alien, but warm, there comes a need to break away and be pretty, if only for a half a day. So here are some clues. Please try again.
ReplyDeleteClue 1: The skirt is polyester. It crushes down very small and comes back without wrinkles. Skirts like this are good for bicycle trips and other migrations.
Clue 2: Notice how long the blue coat is, shown in the lower pictures.
Clue 3: See how big the coat pockets are.
"Do either of you, and does anybody else out there who reads and does not comment, know how long exposed flesh can live when the temperature is minus eighteen with a slight breeze?"... I did send a detailed warning message on this to you and Steven (I know you don't need it) (you know better) ... I think it said 20 minutes.
ReplyDeleteAlright so 17. you wore your big ugly bearscaring coat with your skirt (why not on?) and shoes in your pocket and a bucket on your head to protect your hairdo under your hood?
Dear Sharon. I don't know anyone who has gone to such great lengths to look nice for church.
ReplyDeleteYou know I would vote to have you stay inside anytime the temperature got low enough to be seriously threatening. I read Kathabela's weather warning, and it made me shiver. You should stay indoors so as not to worry her. Listen, yesterday I bought some little things that look like insoles, but they are self-heating substances that claim to provide warmth for nine hours. There are also little ones, for gloves. Daughter Bea wanted them to use them when she showboards otherwise her toes turn blue. Mine do the same, poor circulation. Anyway, the things are not ecologically correct at all, one use and toss, but extreme times demand extreme measures. May I send you some? Does the mailman/woman come through up there? Neither rain nor sleet nor dark or night...doesn't say anything about 40 below....
I've been making up endings for the mystery biker, probably all of us have. HEY SHARON
stay warm. That weather pattern looks scary.
Dear Liz, you and I have to talk to each other because she signed off and went to bed, I think, disgusted with me that I can't guess all her magic tricks... Personally I think I should get a prize for 17 silly guesses... She's too contrary to stay inside, and she will never change her behavior so as to not worry me. I think she has some gadgets for warming that she brought along, if I remember right they may have been listed in her pile of packing stuff... but maybe you have something different... she says send to the International Falls General Delivery... she insists on walking to the PO (actually she says it is on her way to other things) instead of having things delivered... sigh. So she'll probably hear your HEY SHARON in the morning... but I am listening!
ReplyDeleteoh good she's not asleep... ! Let's see what she says!
ReplyDeleteThanks Liz, you are a good mother. The chemical toe heating pads, well, Sharon R gave me some and I have not used them. My tosies stay pretty warm somehow. Actually, I am not disgusted with anyone for silly guesses, 17 or 77. HEY LIZ why don’t you explain to her how I performed this miracle.
ReplyDeleteplease no not 77! Not that! no pleae no....!!!
ReplyDeleteDear Sharon. While I like Kathabela's notions, especially the one that had you sailing over parked cars on the back of a snowmobile, following is my version of events: You walked to church fully dressed in winter regalia, with your pretty outfit underneath, and shoes (open-toed!!!!)one in each pocket. Midwestern churches have cloakrooms, usually in the basement, long passages with rows of hooks for parishioners to hang their outerwear. You walked into cloakroom, shed your gear, hung everything up, with boots underneath. You smoothed your skirt and sweater, straightened your pearls, patted your hair, and walked up to service. After service, you popped outside just for a minute to take the photo, then went inside for coffee hour. Conversation and coffee and pasteries, then back down to suit up. You either walked or were given a lift to the cafe for lunch. I only had one, she had 17, so Kathabela wins. Can't wait to read your latest post. Glad you are thriving out there. Liz
ReplyDeleteDear Kathabela, thanks for the note. This is fun. I feel like we are sending pingpong balls, no, snowballs, up to the satallite that beams them down to Sharon. Oh gosh, we are doing that. Well it's delightful to think of all of our messages going up into space then back down to each other. Like shuttlecocks.
ReplyDeleteThe old fashioned ones, with real feathers.
Our feisty Sharon is fine and looks great, but don't you think she looks a little pale? Not enough sunlight up there. See you Friday, Liz
I still think she wore a bucket on her head, or at least I like to imagine it. Bright yellow, just peeking out from under the hood. To keep her hair pretty. Well she already told me it was a wrong guess, and spoiled my 17 completely, but I don't care, imagination comes first. Yes Liz, see our sparkly shuttles go! Sharon spends most of her time sleeping and trudging, we could use this as our inbox while she's gone! Oh okay Sharon... you can play too...!
ReplyDeleteOk you two, I think that since you have come so close to figuring it out, I should sit now in judgment and declare a winner.
ReplyDeleteI dressed at home just as you see me at church. Then I slipped loose-fitting slacks over the skirt, put the pretty shoes in the coat pockets, and put on winter boots. I put on the coat and brought its hood around my face and set out. The biggest problem was a bare face. But a face mask turns makeup to modern art, so I did without. I knew that the walk would take fifteen minutes and it was pressing the limit for minus eighteen with a breeze, but decided the risk was worth it. If the walk had been much longer, I could not have performed this feat of magic. Also, a bit troubling was that my long johns stayed home, replaced with thin tights. I felt frosty pinpricks in face and legs as I walked, but went fast and steady, dabbing my watering eyes and nose with a Kleenex. On arrival, I sat on the bench that is just inside the vestibule where people remove coats and gloves. I took off the boots and slacks, and put on the pretty shoes. I did this with the long coat still on, and nobody thought it odd. Now wasn’t that worth the trouble?
For shear imagination and perseverance, Kathebela is the clear winner, using qualities that have carried her to many victories. But for getting the details almost completely right, the prize goes to Liz.
Aaaah the details I missed make the picture complete. Well done, Sharon. Thank for the prize. As Kathabela was so creative I propose to share the prize with her.
ReplyDeleteoooooooooooooooh (ooooooooooooo = snowballs) what is the prize and is it shareble... ?????
ReplyDeleteNow I will sound like Liz for change... don't do that again Sharon, I don't like those pinpricks!!!
I think I got it all completely right except for the bucket on your head, and you took points off for my sense of humor. ooooooooooooo!
ReplyDeleteAh, my dear children, must I continually resolve your disputes. Go back to your rooms and come out smiling please.
ReplyDeleteThats the first time I saw you on skis -- although I am not reading everything in order... Once you get some more snow then skiing will be really fun. You realize when the snows do come the weather will warm up as well. At least it should...
ReplyDeleteNo Michael, those are open-toed, low heel dressy shoes. They are not skis! Ok, you mean in the lower picture--sure skis. I am wishing for more snow to use them properly.
ReplyDeleteLiz and I are perfectly friendly, in fact Liz is willing to share... we are not having a dispute! I am throwing ooooooooooooooooooooo's at you!!!!! Besides, you forgot LIZ is the mother!!!
ReplyDelete